Unmasking: Be authentic and become happy today
What even is unmasking?
You’ve might’ve seen a lot of neurodivergent people online talk about unmasking. Maybe you’ve felt the urge too. If so. We’re alike in that way. The honest truth? I don’t fully know what I’m unmasking. What’s learned behaviour to fit in? What’s ADHD or ASD? And what’s just… me?
It’s really hard to figure that out. That’s actually one of the reasons I started Rewrite My Label. A lot of my neurotypical friends asked why I felt the need to label myself with a diagnosis. That’s only part of the story. The full truth? I needed to understand my brain, so I could understand what I actually need.
A diagnosis can be a good first step. It explains why life feels harder sometimes. Now we have to start the unmasking journey.
What are your traits
ADHD or ASD diagnoses are often based on lists of traits and symptoms. Labels built by science and psychiatry, sure, but still based on what society thinks they mean. From what I’ve experienced, it’s all way more fluid. A big blurry spectrum. Most of us don’t even know what parts of it actually apply to us.
Talking with other neurodivergent people helped a lot. I noticed plenty of overlap, but also major differences. Some struggle with being on time. Others forget things constantly. I’m always early. No idea if that’s masking. Maybe I just really enjoy peaceful journeys.
Let’s say ADHD or ASD includes 100 possible traits. Maybe 50 are familiar to most of us. Then maybe 25 feel personal to me. The other 25? Not even close. My friend might relate to 78. Someone else might connect with just 49. We share a similar kind of brain, but that doesn’t mean we think, feel, or act the same.
For me this looks something like this. I start everything really quick. sometimes missing small details (ADHD) and other times breaking down when my routine gets changed (ASD). It often feels like a fight of which part of my brain is at the helm of the ship.
Why rewriting helped me!
I started unmasking by asking myself: what parts of me are ADHD? Which ones feel like ASD? What’s just a mask I’ve built to fit in? What’s my actual personality underneath it all?
The goal isn’t to have a clear answer. The goal is to figure out my needs. Learn the tools. Find ways to live that actually work for me. Be true to myself. Find peace with the whole package. That’s what this blog is about. The journey. The tools. The resources. The aha moments. The things I discover along the way.
My personal real life experience.
I love going to events with friends. But during one event in 2024, something went wrong. I ended up completely alone for hours while my group was off somewhere else. I got angry and lashed out. Looking back, I was completely dysregulated. I just didn’t have the words or tools in that moment. That was probably the ASD side of me. The one I’ve ignored for way too long.
I had no system to meet my needs. Couldn’t explain what was going on. Honestly, I didn’t even know what was happening at the time. I just snapped. My friends were confused. They know me as the guy who’s fine being alone and talks to everyone.
And yeah, that version of me is true. But there’s also another version. The one that shuts down. Frustrated inside, silent on the outside. Next time, I want to catch that sooner. Say something in time, have my tools ready and calm down in the moment.
This can be: a fidget tool, a friend to fall back on, a quite moment to just sit down. It will all depend on your own needs,
That doesn’t mean my friends need to fix it for me. It means I need to learn how to regulate myself and communicate differently in the future and if needed rely on them for help if needed.
What I learned from that moment and why I unmask more.
I had a good conversation with my friends after the event. I explained that I actually feel overwhelmed when I’m left alone like that, and that I just need someone to check in. A simple “You good?” is enough to help me regulate. Easy to ask for? Not really. I was scared of rejection, judgment or even hostility. This fear still remains till this day. Yet, it’s a start and i’m learning how to unmask and let go every single day.
I’m sharing all of this because I know I’m not the only one. Infact many of us might have experienced the exact same thing. We might feel confused, overwhelmed, or ashamed of something we didn’t even know was happening inside us. This is the reason why I rewrote my label. To make sense of it all and explain what it all means to me and to make others understand.
Being neurodivergent means having unique needs and unique strengths. We’re not here to chase normal. We get to set boundaries. Take care of ourselves. Stop seeing our brains as something broken. It’s not a superpower. But I truly believe our brains are meant to change the world.
We are aloud to be messy, different but above all happy. It might be hard, but it is time to drop the mask!
We’ve got this. And I believe in you. ♥️
