My story(trigger warning)
Hi, I’m Joey from the Netherlands. This page gives a glimpse into my background and the labels that have followed me.
Doctors noticed something unusual about my feet and told my parents it could be Down syndrome. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I just ended up with what I call my “hobbit feet.” (No, pictures will not be included, haha.)
This moment caused my family—especially my mother—to worry that something might be “wrong” with me. I did end up getting diagnosed with autism. As if writing a self fulfulling prophecy, my mother eventuelly felt like she was right all along. Spoiler alert, she was only half right.
All jokes aside, my first years at school were extremely hard. Imagine being physically and mentally abused by other kids—soccer balls flying at your head, teachers yelling at you to be “normal.”
This abuse al started in first grade. Imagine a four-year-old boy standing in class, telling his teacher she was cutting into his lunch break. Some kids laughed, she on ther otherhand did not. This teacher exploded and yelled at me in such a manner. That it traumatized me for many years to follow.
Home wasn’t safe either. The lingering divorce of my parents created constant tension and unrest.
By the age of 7, I reached my breaking point. After years of being bullied and hurt, and I felt very alone. This pain pushed me to grab a knife from the kitchen at school. not to hurt anyone else. I just wanted my suffering to be noticed and thought this was the only way. However, I did hold the knife to my own throat as if trying to end it all. Thankfully, someone stopped me that day. I will always be thankful to that person.
The fights at home escalated as well. Shortley after, the divorce became official, and so did my autism diagnosis. Did this change anything? No. I switched schools, never received therapy, and the doctor simply wished me “good luck.” Life did not get better. I now lived with my mom and sister. My mom did raise me with love. Yet something else became very clear: nobody expected me to succeed.
Becoming an adult didn’t help
At my new middle school, teachers advised me to set very low goals and just be thankful if I managed to graduate. Naturally, I fell behind in my studies and gradually lost confidence in myself. This downward spiral led me to trust my stepdad, the one person my mom always supported. I had no idea how to handle bills or financial responsibilities—no one had ever taught me these essential life skills.
At 18, I reached out to him for financial help. I had worked in supermarkets and had a morning paper route. For an 18-year-old, I had a decent savings account. At 19, I decided to travel. I thought, “I have the money, I can do whatever I want with it.” Life actually felt good for a moment.
I checked my account and all I saw only 0.61 euros. My stepdad had used my mom’s shared account to steal my money. Letters from debt collectors were sent to a fake address, and I was 30,000 euros in debt by the age of 19. After sharing this at home, I had to save my mom from her own suicide attempt.
This let up to living in a house with the man who caused all this. I had to defend myself in front of a judge without support to prove it wasn’t my fault. Luckily, the judge believed me and gave me the option for debt restructuring for three years. I moved in with my biological dad and had live of 50 euro’s a week for three years. Oh, and do not forget the intense therapy that I had to follow to even feel any emotions.
Why I wanted to share this story
For anyone:
- Who has felt crushed by a label
- Trying to untangle their true identity
- For parents (like I hope to be one day), who want to raise kids without fear or boxes
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- A diagnosis doesn’t define you
- It’s never just one thing. For me, it was ASD, ADHD, trauma, and survival
- You can rewrite your story. You can unmask, redefine, and live proudly with you labels.
It is now 2025. I obtained a duo diagnosis.”Hello AuDHD friends.”I do have studentloan debt. The other debt is paid off. I graduatuated in februari of this year and a proud owner of a bachelors degree in communications. I have been working at a full time job for a couple months now. Saving money is no issue and I can proudly say I feel happy most days.
This is what I’m doing today and if you’re reading this, you can do the same!